Posted by ksvt on January 8, 2001, at 19:04:49
In reply to Re: lost in the world - ksvt, posted by Greg on January 6, 2001, at 14:57:49
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Greg - I'm very impressed and maybe a little jealous. I think I've always been concerned that other people might find my verbal expressions of my suicidal ideation to be manipulative. Sort of like the boy who cried wolf. Both my current and past therapist have been bothered by the fact that I'm so reluctant to calling them in times of distress. Unless I have the proverbial gun actually pointed at my forehead, I can't rationalize bothering them. I see myself as being in alot of pain, but not in immediate danger. ksvt
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> Yeah, absolutely. I told her everything I was feeling. I think she would have been angry and hurt if I hadn't told her, I know I would if it were the other way around. I know it scared the hell out of her, but she appreciated my being honest and she did everything she could to help me. She was very supportive and encouraged me to get into therapy, which I did (and still am doing). She of course kept a watchful eye on me... I also asked her to hold on to any meds that I could overdose on and only give me what I was supposed to be taking.
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> I'm not suggesting that you tell your spouse about what's going on with you, only you know what your relationship can tolerate. But sometimes I think you just have to take a chance and hope for the best. It's nice to have people around you that you can confide in. The feeling of being alone is the worst feeling in the world for me.
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> Greg
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> > >Greg - did the people you shared your thoughts with include your spouse? I think if I were my husband, I would be incredibly angry and hurt, and I think it would undermine our trust. I just can't figure out any way to tell him that would not trigger that kind of reaction. I think I also get hung up on feeling overwelmingly ashamed that I even have these feelings. It's like the height of selfishness. If you did tell your wife, how did she react (obviously you don't have to answer that). Thanks for the response, though. I really think it helps me to have the outlet of this board. It provides me with a mechanism to "burn off" some of these more dangerous feelings. ksvt
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> > Kelly,
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> > > I really can't add much to what the others have said but to say that I hope you choose to stay with us. This would be a poorer place without you.I hope you get the help you need in what ever form or fashion that needs to be. My thoughts are with you.
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> > > ksvt,
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> > > I thought about what you said about pondering suicide being isolating and something you really can't share. I went thru a suicidal phase some months back where I contemplated every form imaginable. I think it was the fact that I shared what I was feeling with those around me that kept me from following thru with it. I guess the important thing is that we are all still here and talking to each other. When all else fails, we always got us...
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> > > I hope you are well,
> > > Greg
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> > > > >Maybe there is some post holiday traumatic stress, but I have been really struggling with the "S" issue lately also. I'm not staring at pills (I've never considered this to be a viable method anyway), but i have been drafting notes in my head that sound very reasoned to me. Yesterday, my therapist floated the idea of hospitalization for the first time. I have never been hospitalized and I wouldn't allow myself to be in any event, but it was rather sobering to have her raise the idea. I think certain mood states are more isolating than others. I think pondering suicide is the most isolating thing you can do, because it's not exactly the kind of thing that you can share with anyone. For me anyway, the more I think about it the more i have trouble getting off that train of thought, and after awhile it just gets to be painfully oppressive and of course very distracting. Kelly, I think you should do whatever is necessary to keep yourself around long enough to see if this state will pass. If you need to go into the hospital to keep yourself alive, than of course you should. Keep posting. ksvt
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> > > > Hi, Kelly!
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> > > > > I am sorry to hear how down you have been. I agree that going to the hospital is a good idea. Does your doctor know about how depressed you are and about coming close to taking the pills?
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> > > > > I am thankful that you did not go through with it, but I believe you deserve to feel better than just staying alive, and I believe it is possible. But you need more support and treatment, I think.
poster:ksvt
thread:3700
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010105/msgs/3789.html