Posted by Snowie on August 19, 2000, at 12:58:51
In reply to Dealing with grief after loss of mother, posted by Dona on August 18, 2000, at 17:26:51
Dona,
First of all, I wish to extend my deepest sympathy for the loss of your beloved mother. In my own experiences with the deaths of those I've loved, I've found that it helps to talk with someone, but only time really allows these deep wounds to heal, although you never, ever will forget them.
Something very similar happened to my grandmother after her oldest sister died. There were 3 sisters -- the oldest sister was my great aunt, the middle was my grandmother, and the youngest sister was also my great aunt. My grandmother lived in Florida with my mother, and the other sisters lived together in Mississippi. The oldest sister and the youngest sister were both wealthy. The oldest sister died several years ago.
After my oldest great aunt died, the youngest sister immediately began giving away much of her effects to certain family members and strangers alike, but never once offered my grandmother any of her belongings. Many of the pieces the eldest sister had were items that had belonged to my grandmother's grandmother (for whom she was named), and my grandmother was devastated that she wasn't allowed to pick which items she wanted.
The oldest sister who had died left a beautiful and very expensive house but no will, so both sisters were jointly entitled to share in her estate. Without going into too much detail (or this would be a book), the youngest sister, who was named executrix of the estate by the court, flew down to visit my grandmother soon after my great aunt died, and secretly and fradulently had my grandmother sign over her half interest to her dead sister's house and property to herself for a nuisance sum. When my mother found out what her aunt had done, she threatened to hire a Mississippi attorney and file suit against my great aunt. My great aunt and my mother eventually settled on a fair value for the house, and my grandmother was sent a check for her share. Unfortunately, my mother never forgave her aunt for the way she treated her mother after the oldest aunt had died, and the relationship between my grandmother and her youngest sister was never the same.
Just last November, my grandmother died as well, and my mother made certain that all of my grandmother's children (who live in Mississippi and Tennessee) shared equally in their mother's estate. Consequently, no one has felt any resentment toward my mother, and they have instead been able to celebrate my grandmother's life and mourn her death together as a family.
Snowie
snowie 98 at hotmail dot com
> My mom died in Feb and I think I have been dealing fairly well with grief--went through depression and have seen psych and therapist and combo of talk and meds has helped. My problem is that my sister is an attorney and executor of estate, and for her own problems, she became angry with me after the funeral and refused to let me look through my mom's things. I went home ( I live 3000 miles away) with a few pictures and mementos of my mom and dad. Today I got a form letter from my sister and she is sharing some of the things she found when she went through my mother's belongings. I should be glad she is sharing, but I am so resentful that I did not have the opportunity to do what she did. How do I deal with this resentment--would it do any good to tell her??? I guess I think not because she is such an angry person.
poster:Snowie
thread:60
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20000813/msgs/79.html