Posted by garnet71 on May 15, 2009, at 21:08:05
In reply to Advice - depression, anger, resentment and envy, posted by Barney on April 24, 2009, at 10:30:23
Barney, i'm just going to say what I feel; my immediate reaction.....if this isn't okay, I'm sorry....I can't help but sense the person is YOU and not the friend..forgive me if I'm wrong...
Leaving out that information is a total deal breaker, imo. If I was the wife/fiance, he'd be dust if I found this out indirectly..from stumbling upon a copy of the bill, heresay, whatever..
.In my personal belief system, people are entitled to secrets, they can own many things about their past..nothign says they have to disclose.I personally prefer more openness and revelation, but know realistically this doesn't always happen, is not always possible, or that others don't succumb for fear of adverse consequences or rejection of the other. I think our societial influences encourage lying and nondisclosure; this does not sit well with me, as I am the disclosing type...
But anger managemetn history might effect the other person-the wife. The future wife is entitled to this information. And she's probably going to find out sooner or later. It's not much different than say if the husband had AIDS; it has the propensity to affect the relationship and should be fully disclosed, now better than later. Otherwise, much distrust will result; the prospects are gloomy.
Context could be important too-did this person enter anger management therapy as ordered by the court, or own his own? Either way he's screwed. If it was ordered by the court, if a former gf or wife was hypothetically the initiator/plantiff, it could be attributed to her lying in court, for example. And I know this happens w/divorce-child custody cases...if he was forced to do it based on lies by the woman, it could be positive; however, if he was forced to do it based on say hypothetical violence or another matter, the trust could be severely damanged. If he entered anger therapy on his own, that would seem more positive. In any case, if he is not honest, he will be screwed....possibly amplified by whichever context from above is applicable.
I'd reconsider the disclosure. Of course, the longer he waits, the worse it will be...about the job envy thing...that's just a periphial matter. It's going to manifest in other ways, undoubtedly.
poster:garnet71
thread:892508
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20071110/msgs/896008.html