Posted by corafree on August 26, 2006, at 18:35:32
In reply to Re: Love - I Finally Pushed It Out of Reach, posted by Phillipa on August 19, 2006, at 15:25:35
(My computer is a com'poo''turd' and I can't get my email and I'm so sorry. Miss you all.)
Yes he came over. We rode 'the usual roller coaster', a week or so, and now worn out, angry, not speaking, again.
I wonder if I'm stretching in saying I believe he has a problem w/ 'having a conscience' or the traits of a 'sociopath'.
His whole fam' is into this 'appear god-fearing, 'good people', skimming/scamming thing'. What is that all about? Are they superiorly intelligent? Is it a learned behavior? Is it a way of compensating?
The father of the four sons died when rainydayman was a young teen. From what told; hard worker, pusher, demanded respect from children but no physical abuse, worshiped wife.
I guess apple doesn't fall far as mother is on quite a high throne. She married a step. Do I sound jealous? She lets her sons do all these things w/o ever admitting any wrong-doing on their parts, 'very cleverly'. I don't get it. She stands by lies, to my face or my ear if by phone. Yet, volunteers @ hospital, church groups, church Sun.
There came to be a couple days during our coaster ride where there were 'two unexplained hours missing' and another w/ 'three unexplained hours missing'.
By unexplained, I mean the explainations sounded like possible tales!
The hours gone missing are in question and he has not responded to my demand for an explanation. My worry is either woman or drug.
While here, he said there was no one for him but me. and he sweared to God he was clean.
But then, what about those missing hours? My suspicion turned to aggressive passionate demands for honesty and he(they) are in hiding and not responding to my call. I won't call again. It's my 2 to his 0 right now.
The four boys all have law/sex/job type troubles. No sisters/daughter. The mother is 'their pillar' and rdm always runs to her before me.
I know. Here it is 'what a month?' later, and I'm finally responding, sitting here again, thinking, getting out of real life, feels comforting.
My anxiety increased. Even thought of requesting Xanax from P, but was too physically ill to make it to appt. Now wait til 9/28!
I believe today or tomorrow is anniversary day for the 11-year 'coaster ride w/ rdm'.
I wonder if someone like him will ever change. I wonder it all the time.
He says 'I find the wrong in everything'. I didn't argue. I'm wondering about that in me.
I've been sobbing, shouting, cursing, lying still praying, dressing to go out and paint the town red just to undress and lay back down a bit.
I'm 'bonkers'!
Phillipa, this is the first thing I thought to address online. Thanks for writing ... I'll get to you next.
Tell me 'what an idiot I am to go on playing this game w/ rdm all these years'!!!
Throw it @ me. I need it!
love, cf
poster:corafree
thread:677488
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060621/msgs/680336.html