Posted by inimitable on August 20, 2006, at 15:00:05
In reply to Re: I'm going to hurl » inimitable, posted by Phillipa on August 19, 2006, at 15:24:36
i'm way ahead of you! i should also say that i have been chill for the past few days, calmer and more like myself, but then again, that could be because i haven't talked to him really since tuesday night. a little bit (a minute) on thursd. but not really, so maybe that's why. but yeah, way ahead of you, because even when i was nervous and thinking i might really like this guy and could see myself being with him fully and completely, i knew that this probably wouldn't be something that could last forever or anything, i thought i posted that in the previous message but maybe i didn't, maybe i'm thinking of how i told my T this. if anything did happen between me and this guy, and then it ended, even if it was something spectacular, i think i'd be okay, really i do. because i would just be delighted to know that i AM capable of love like that, and grateful for the experience in my life. i guess i could be hurt, een though i don't see myself crying and breaking down or anything. i even told my T this, and he thought (or at least it SEEMED he thought) it was unusual, and he asked me if i'd ever felt heartbroken before, when a relationship ended, if it ever hurt when it ended. i think (and my T knows this) that i've been in love (my first love) once, even thought it wasn't spectacualr, but i think it was love, and i told him of the time i broke that off, well, it was mutual, but i brought the idea of breaking up, up with my then boyfriend. and my T asked how i felt afterwards, and i told him it was a long timeago, but i really don't think it was all that heartbreaking or anything, i didn't cry for days or anything.....and i got the idea my T thought that was unusual too. i guess it could be seeing as how i think this was my only pure love (first loves can't be anything but pure, can they? hehehe)and you would think someone would take that a little harder. but even though that might have been my first love, maybe even then i wasn't putting my whole heart into, like i don't now, because i didn't really believe in finding that romantic love, didn't want to get my hopes up, so instead i lowered my expectations and just settled for something that i could pretend was love. i guess. so then the question is.....would i still react as well if i did end up dating this guy and fell in love FOR REAL, and then we broke up? i can't really answer that, and i have an idea that this thing with this guy won't go that far (i've had some time to think these past few days i haven't been talking to him, he hadn't returned my phone calls, and i just don't know if this will really go anywhere....i don't know) but if i does go far and we break up, i would think i could handle it with graditude and knowledge, of what love CAN be. at least, that's my optimistic hope :)
*inimitable
poster:inimitable
thread:676044
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060621/msgs/678485.html