Posted by Dinah on December 1, 2004, at 8:57:16
In reply to Re: this is true, but » 64bowtie, posted by AuntieMel on November 26, 2004, at 22:30:04
What would unconditional love look like?
If your husband beats you and cheats on you and you keep loving him, is that really love? Unconditional love?
If your parents use your love for them over and over and over again to hurt you and manipulate you by withholding their love, and you still love them, is that unconditional love?
Unconditional is a very expansive word, thrown about all too lightly in our society.
The only place I find it at all AT ALL appropriate, is a parent's love for a child. And even then, if the child betrays that love too often, I see no shame in the love being the sort that says... "I will always care about you and want the best for you. I will always care what happens to you. I will hope that you turn your life around, and I will be here if you do. I will help you in any way I can when you're serious about change. But I won't allow you to continue to treat me and others the way you are treating me and others. Since you haven't shown willingness to change, I won't be able to continue to see you until I do."
And that's only your kids. I see no reason to feel that way about spouses or parents.
Part of love is respect. And trust. And there's nothing wrong with expecting people to earn trust and respect, or taking trust and respect away when they've earned having it taken away. Love without trust or respect, IMHO, is not love. It's attachment.
poster:Dinah
thread:417008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041118/msgs/422742.html