Posted by kilo8 on June 23, 2015, at 21:11:04
Hello,
I am such a mess. I really don't see how this can possibly end well. I mean I have been having GAD and OCD since being a child. I am also vulnerable to depression. I was already depressed when my life was still ok and when I felt like I have a future.
But now I'm 34yo and I am in bad health and know that I very likely have a rare genetic disorder which can be dangerous and I have many other health problems which nobody can help me with and I also have no job and no education and depend on my parents and simply feel terrible.
I mean I have SO many things which all drag me down. I feel very bad about myself.I feel like I ruined my life and reached nothing. I also think I have ADD.
I feel like a total failure. Every day is the same for me. I do nothing productive at all. I want to be different but I simply cannot be different. I hate the way I am.
I am so crippled by anxieties. I worry about being alone one day what do I do without my parents? I just found out one of my doctors died. This totally hit me and caused me to have nightmares. It triggered these thoughts which I already have about being alone or losing someone. I have a huge fear of loss.
I really fear that one day I might simply lose my mind.
I don't know what to do. I tried psychotherapy and only made bad experiences. Psychologists either didn't seem to care at all or they didn't really say anything or the things they said were totally unhelpful.
I needed comfort but I have no comfort. I also have no friends at all! I am so damn lonely.
I cannot talk to my parents cause they have enough problems on their own I cannot tell them how bad I am doing cause this would break their heart.
I feel totally alone with all my worries and problems.And also none of the drugs I tried helped at all. In fact my fears and my OCD only seem to get worse! Nothing seems to help. One psychologist also told me that drugs cannot help me cause I'm too messed up and because this has been going on for too long. :(
Now I also think what if no drug can help me simply because my overall situation is simply way too bad?
I think in my case it's a mixture of real neurologically based problems (ADD,OCD,GAD) with external factors. I really don't know what to do now. I have a pdoc but he is only good for prescribing drugs he doesn't know anything about my situation and also doesn't ask.
I am scared of trying psychotherapy again cause of my bad experiences. PT only made me feel worse cause when I talk about my situation then it causes all these negative emotions to come up and this is already dangerous and when the therapist then doesn't seem to care or simply says nothing then this is absolutely useless. I also fear becoming attached to a therapist or emotionalle dependent on him in case he should offer me comfort which I cannot get from any other person. I have nobody to offer comfort to me.
I am currently on 10mg vortioxetine. Have been on it since 3 weeks. Does NOTHING!Before I tried:
lexapro 20mg 3 months, wellbutrin 300mg, remeron 30mg, tianeptine, anafranil 75mg too many side effects, ritalin, memantine
poster:kilo8
thread:1079932
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20150512/msgs/1079932.html