Posted by alexandra_k on November 15, 2013, at 1:27:32
In reply to Exploring, posted by Partlycloudy on November 14, 2013, at 7:37:56
I mean I need a reason for them to intake assess me. A request for this or that kind of treatment (to see a p-doc or psychologist or whatever). I guess I can put the feelers out about psychology. Only... Well... The Autistic Spectrum Dx isn't likely to get me seen... Don't know.
I guess what I most need to worry about at this point is finding my focus. Working productively.
I feel under pressure to produce. I hope I can rise to the occasion. I can't blow this. I feel anxiety about next year, too. They seem to be characterizing me as some kind of Autistic Genius. I... Don't agree with that characterization... But I do feel that there is an expectation for me to do really very well indeed. I do feel afraid that I will find that I am unable to do the work to as high a standard as is expected of me.
I also worry that the city will corrupt me somehow. That I'll end up not properly focused on my work - the way I gripe about other people. Part of me wants to find a more workable balanced life. And another part of me thinks I'm incapable of that so really I need to focus on what is most important. I don't know.
I don't think I will be able to get the kind of psychological support that I want / need. In terms of someone willing to shut the f*ck up much of the time and just listen... And only draw attention to patterns gently AFTER having taken the time to observe them and figure what sorts of probes / prompts might actually be helpful for me. I really don't think I'll find that here. It really is fairly amazing to me how most helpers really are incapable of chilling a little and stopping with the frantically trying to change things all the time...
I'm down to give a talk to the department next week. Just a 20 minute one on whatever I like. I'll use it mostly to overview my thesis and introduce an issue I'm grappling with in what I'm doing at the moment. Seemed like I should do this since they are considering me to be a visitor and are letting me borrow books from the library. I do need to focus, though. Demands... Friends booked me a 4 day trip to Wellington to visit them... Conference is 5 days... I can't really afford all the time out.
Apparently normal people structure their work / play habits around social interactions. The social interactions / play time is meant to be a sufficient carrot to get one working. I'm not sure whether this can be made to work for me...
You can only do the best you can do in the time you have available to you. Just do the work is all. As best you can. The rest will take care of itself.
I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm getting my life back on track.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1053012
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20130930/msgs/1054411.html