Posted by winsome on March 21, 2013, at 0:59:53
In reply to Re: still have strong feelings for therapist » winsome, posted by Anemone on February 8, 2013, at 7:29:44
thanks, anoneme,for the advice with which I agree. I even found some interesting psychiatric reference to eroticized transference being a defense against fear of anihilation which is true of me. I was ready to confide this but then my psychiatrist's mother died suddenly. He is grief-stricken as I would expect. I just can't bring this up now.
I felt we had come to an acceptable peace on the subject. That is, I said it was love not transference, he said it was transference and nothing was being returned from him so he puzzled over why it continued. The final treaty was that he accepted that you can say you love lots of things, like I love chocolate, I love that movie. I let it pass as the discussion had been going on for so long. I could see he didn't understand (he thought he did) and rather gave up. Unfortunately, I think it just pushed the feelings underground for me. I feel I have a precious secret. Realistically,I know nothing concrete will come from this even if he totally shared my feelings for him with feelings for me. it doesn't matter! It is one of those things where being rational just doesn't matter! I just keep on going because he keeps on being so kind, affirming, and unconditional accepting of me. This is new and mind-boggling. It's all I ever wanted and never could find. Anyway, that's where I am stuck. What do I think would happen if I brought this up again? He would know I am sincere in my feelings. Or, he could throw up his hands and say I am impossible and he is too stressed-out for all this.He seems fragile and I don't want him to go away by me placing this burden on him now.
I think that sums it up. Winsome, thanks for listening!
poster:winsome
thread:1037617
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20130309/msgs/1040791.html