Posted by emmanuel98 on January 17, 2012, at 19:50:09
In reply to Re: Suicidal but not depressed - whats going on?, posted by icubaby on January 16, 2012, at 23:18:24
It's hard to do DBT on your own. But they do tell you in DBT to ride out emotions like a wave, to watch them come and go, to be curious about them but not overwhelmed by them. To learn to say, hey, I'm thinking about suicide. What is that about? How does that feel in my body? What are the thoughts that exacerbate this.
For me, I struggle endlessly with suicidality. I get very close to taking my life, then think about my daughter and the pain it would cause her. She is 23 now and has her own life and would recover, but the thought of her crying is so upsetting to me. All her life, I soothed her when she cried. People criticized my mothering when she was small because I was so averse to letting her cry. I hated the idea of her feeling pain. I felt such pain as a child and learned all these f***ked up defenses against it that have proved dysfunctional. The thought of my daughter crying is just more than I can bear. It has pulled me back from the brink a couple of times. God, I hate this sometimes. I try to let it go and see it as a wave that will ebb. But sometimes I just can't move past it. I work with my DBT therapist and my p-doc (who I still see for an hour every other week) but it's still a problem. It has gotten better though. DBT has helped me learn to suffer through it. When it gets to bad and I get agitated and start making plans, I take a heavy dose of an anti-psychotic and a benzo and let myself sleep for hours and hours on end.
poster:emmanuel98
thread:1007418
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20111220/msgs/1007617.html