Posted by Dinah on December 31, 2011, at 11:18:18
In reply to What helps...Dinah, posted by Twinleaf on December 30, 2011, at 0:29:11
Sorry to take so long answering you. I'm past due on a deadline, and am alternating working all night and sleeping day and night.
I started self injuring on Luvox, and since getting off I very very rarely do it. The last time was over five years ago, I think, although I still get urges now and then. I think the Luvox caused some low level agitation even though on a more obvious level it flattened out some of the agitation. I haven't quite figured it out. I also think my brain is different than before I went on it, and rather wish I'd never been on it at all. I bless the pdoc after the pdoc from h*ll who instantly recognized I shouldn't be on Luvox without a mood stabilizer. I was also behaving *very* badly on it, at least with my mental health practitioners. I think it brought out the borderline in me. Or suppressed my ego. Or something.
AP's just seem to suit me. If asked, I always say I probably take 10 Risperdal a month. And if I think about it, that still seems right. But that would mean a prescription would last three months, and it generally lasts more like six months or more. I'm left with the inescapable conclusion that I think I take it more often than I actually take it.
It helps me just to know that I *can* take it. No more anticipatory anxiety. I used to feel that way about Klonopin too. But after having used Risperdal, I find I don't care much for the feel of Klonopin. I now only use Klonopin a few times a year when I need really fast relief.
My diabetes doctor ok'd the occasional use of Risperdal. He realizes that anxiety and stress drive my blood sugar up far faster than Risperdal.
He told me that stress doesn't cause high blood sugar. The reaction to stress causes high blood sugar. He advised me to be like the duck shaking water off its back. Sigh. If only I could.
Yesterday I ventured to put aside boundaries for a few minutes with the therapist I truly do trust. I knew he wouldn't be angry with me, and I wanted to comment on something he'd told me in passing about his own life. He thanked me, in what seemed like a sincere manner. I wasn't scared, and I was glad I said what I did. But my voice was still trembling and I was quaking inside by the time I finished. After a few moments, he took pity on me and asked me a question, probably about my mother. That seems to be his standby.
I wasn't aware of any feelings of anxiety but something was going on with me. So cognitively speaking, I not only was shaking it off, but I wasn't even aware it was raining. Still, I'll bet my body was pumping adrenaline and responding by raising my blood sugar for a bolt from the saber tooth tiger.
Can something aside from anxiety cause internal quavering?
I just really don't understand me sometimes.
poster:Dinah
thread:1005862
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20111220/msgs/1006006.html