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Re: in a very dark place.. please someone talk with me

Posted by Lamdage22 on October 20, 2011, at 20:51:14

In reply to Re: in a very dark place.. please someone talk with me, posted by sigismund on October 20, 2011, at 10:40:48

> If you ever have contact with her again, could you not just say you were feeling upset and confused, and that you are sorry for what you did?

I did this.. well i wrote her a text message.

> I was thinking about the true love / tainted by commerce dichotomy. You became very angry when she kind of rejected your desire for it not to be commercial. I must have meant you were both in it together to some extent with the commerce?

Well.. tainted is really the perfect word to describe the problem. Im sure there were some very genuine feelings from both sides but this "tainted" that naturally comes with the environment was always present, too and kind of hung over it like a dark cloud.
For my part i have to say i would have loved to see her outside.. i would definitely have done it. And not necessarily for the sex.. that wasn't what the last meetings were about either. I just loved to spend time with her, especially when she seemed to be cool with meeting me outside.

But FOR A FACT.. we can't really know (all) the reasons for her behavior. It might very well be something she can't explain to me for whatever reasons. She sent extremely mixed messages about everything when i showed her i mean it with meeting her in real life not in the commerce.


> I don't see this as THAT bad, or sick. As for sexual addiction, that to me is nonsense. Where did that idea come from? I mean, in our culture?

Hm i don't know.. maybe i beat myself up too hard for it. Fact is though it mentally distances me from regular dating and that i drown feelings with paysex. So it becomes a form of running away. And THAT sucks.

I had a setback today.. :(. I hope that my stay in hawaii will help heal.. Last time i was there for 3 weeks and it helped heal my at the time pretty severe pot addiction. No opportunity to do pot has led to the realization that life doesn't necessarily suck without pot. Sounds fair enough and i hope the same will be the case with paysex.


> Wouldn't a girlfriend be simpler though? This sounds like really hard work.

I really don't know. I had a 11 Month on-off relationship where i went from demonizing to idealizing the relationship.. But the relationship started out with her making suicide threats so.... thats a whole lot more her fault than mine.

But this was definitely not easier than visiting a hooker regularly.


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poster:Lamdage22 thread:999306
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20111017/msgs/1000356.html