Posted by Lamdage22 on October 9, 2011, at 8:08:50
As a woman i have known for about 3 month and had developed deep feelings for has cut me psychologically.. alright she was a professional.. but she kept telling me things lile "i love you" "you wanna marry me" etc over and over again and we were emotionally very intimate. We sure knew how to caress each other hehe
The moment i told her of my feelings, namely that it starts hurting me to see her in this environment and for money and that while id love to see her in real life i won't be her customer anymore the hurt that has been silently lurking around broke down on me. Namely this cute little phantasy started to disintegrate. She started sending the most extreme mixed messages i have ever heard. No idea if she really felt that deeply for me, it sure felt that way, and i have been to a lot of these women.(can you hear the false pride?) I know i did for her over time. I just have no idea and the mixed messages she sent rumble round in my head.
I don't know what she is thinking, but if this wasn't acted she's pretty pissed at me too. (i would be if i lost a such goodhearted and profitable customer). Well she made me have insight into this one of my addictions on a positive side.Anyway sorry for the big off topic! As of now my psyche seems to work with this issue a lot in my dreams. (dreams despite nardil). Its like i go to sleep and as i fall to sleep i enter a somewhat bizarre world, where i have to fulfill certain tasks and when i did i wake up and i feel my psyche is working things out. (lucidity maybe a result of 6mg lamictal? idk)
Think this would be a perfect opportunity to do some Lucid dreaming experimentation. I hade some experiences with it already.
What i have in mind for tonight is a choline and acetyl-l-carnitine combo and some of the tips to wake in the dream.
(I want to do sort of a short drug holiday anyway and for a couple days lower the dosages. Nardil 90 to 67.5, not less.) Feel my body needs that.
The "pinching myself in waking life" has helped me once to become lucid. But soon i woke up because didn't stay calm.I like the idea of discovering the depths of ones psyche in dreams a lot.
Is anyone of you into this kind of thing?
Would be cool if wed share experiences
Lamdage
poster:Lamdage22
thread:999166
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20110823/msgs/999166.html