Posted by Daisym on February 27, 2010, at 11:25:03
In reply to Re: can someone explain: why I protect my father » floatingbridge, posted by Dinah on February 27, 2010, at 10:42:31
What we know from research is that children whither and die from neglect - adults too. So a father who paid attention, even negative attention, was "better" in some sense than a mom who wasn't available at all. If you look in between the rages, etc. was he ever nice to you? Did he notice you? I think we grasp onto these things tightly and magnify them. Plus, sometimes we find a way to rationalize the "crazy" parent. A parent who pulls away gives us nowhere to go except to ourselves - "she hates me or blames me" and we desperately want them to DO SOMETHING about the other parent.
It is all really complicated. If you do get angry with him, what are you left with and what will that mean to how you see yourself? And awareness is the single biggest defense against being just like him - and you seem to have that.
Good luck with all this. It truly is very complicated. And understanding it doesn't always change it.
poster:Daisym
thread:938053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20100128/msgs/938080.html