Posted by Verloren on January 24, 2010, at 13:22:43
For those of you who have read my past posts, this is more of an update.
I'm realizing it may be over with my T and I. I used to love, or feel transference for, her but now I don't. At least I don't think I still do.
It's been a couple of weeks since I last saw her. At first I thought 'distance makes the heart grow fonder'. Now I'm thinking this small passage of time has allowed my head to clear a bit. I think I am becoming aware that she may not be the best equipped to deal with my needs right now. I think trying to fight that feeling has made things difficult on both of us.
I just realized my fmla is running out and I am forced to return to work in 2 weeks or they could exercise their right to fire me. I am not ready to go back and feel pretty unstable still, but I need my job.
I am going to discontinue the Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) this week and speak to my T about releasing me for work. After that I want to meet with her and try to discuss where things are now. If I feel like I get good responses from her then I hope we can discuss the plan for my future especially once I return to work.
If things don't go well, I will make an final session with her and continue therapy with Ada. Ada was the art therapist I saw for a consult in Dec. who I felt so comfortable with and cried uncontrollably over when my T said I could not see them both.
I just don't love my T the way I did and it's not because we worked through the transference, it's because I've become disenchanted with her after considering the pasts few weeks.
I know some of you said before that I should try to work it out with my T. I'd really hate to start over and a part of me feels like I'm only "starting over" because I never got over Ada and I just want to see her now because I'm hurting and frustrated at my T.
What are your opinions looking at it now? Am I just obsessed with Ada and will that end badly once she does not live up to my vision? Is my T really that bad for me (based on my Angry & Hurt post) ? She has been incredibly flexible and I often think I could persuade her to be better and more tailored to my needs. Now isn't that a crazy thought! Should I stick it out? I normally run away from trying situations like this so I have a trend in not completing things that seems too hard. Or is this beyond my compulsion to run away and my T would not be good for me regardless of that?
Your input is needed and appreciated!
Thanks for reading
-Verloren
poster:Verloren
thread:934868
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20091212/msgs/934868.html