Posted by Daisym on August 29, 2009, at 18:11:31
In reply to So, Babble.... whatcha thinking/feeling?, posted by workinprogress on August 29, 2009, at 13:44:05
I return to group therapy Monday after two weeks off. The last group meeting left me in a puddle, which turned my individual session on Tuesday into a rain storm. I hid under my sweatshirt and cried most of the session. My therapist said I'm beginning to see how very bad my situation was and why it is so intensely hard to allow myself the awareness of what really happened.
Essentially we were were talking about knowing what you know. Believing your own truth. Standing up for yourself. Some members of my group are trying to do this in personal relationships - not letting others tell them how they think or feel or what is true. Another has cut herself off from her family for the most part because they live in a different reality than she does.
And then there is me. I still have a relationship with my family, including the person who abused me. Nobody talks about the past much. My mom has developed a new saying, "that was the past, this is now" - which isn't necessarily about the abuse in our house as we grew up but it feels like a directive to not say anything. Not that I ever have.
So my contribution in the last group was to ask, "how do you know what you aren't suppose to know?" There are no answers for that.
So this is on my mind as group gets closer and closer. I feel different, even in a group of survivors.
poster:Daisym
thread:914701
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090730/msgs/914742.html