Posted by deerock on August 18, 2009, at 20:36:17
hi, i met with my therapist today and i asked her a few times if i had a personality disorder. nobody has ever told me i did except most of my ex girlfriends. therapists always told me it was anxiety or depression or panic or OCD.
anyhow, she said she did not believe in DSM diagnosis and said that i am dealing with a disorder of the self. i said that i felt this was simply semantics and that she was saying i had a personality disorder. she certainly did not disagree.
i am actually devestated by hearing this suspicion confirmed. i have a lot of trouble with self regulation and i suspect this is the root of the idea that my self is disordered. the idea that my self is disordered tells me that its not like having a bum knee, or a bad back, its me, i am faulty.
she kept trying to get me to focus on my strengths but i could not let go of the fact that only a small percentage of people have personality disorders and that if 5% have them, 95% do not and i kept saying 95% of people are more mentally well than me. she was saying i do not know the statistics dee but i what you are saying makes sense, most people do not feel what you feel.
the most upsetting thing to me about this is the idea that i will never ever no matter how hard i try be able to regulate myself the way a normal person can. this means that i have a disability. this is very hard to accept.
i think i could easily find a therapist to tell me she is wrong and that its anxiety or depression or ocd. i am tempted to bail on the therapy but something inside me is telling me not to.
im wondering what others have to say about what ive written. id appreciate any input. thank you.
poster:deerock
thread:912904
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090730/msgs/912904.html