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Re: The Other Side of the Relationship sunnydays

Posted by Dinah on August 9, 2009, at 21:58:12

In reply to Re: The Other Side of the Relationship Daisym, posted by sunnydays on August 7, 2009, at 20:07:18

> At our last session my T challenged one of my thoughts by saying, "Well, I disagree with you, but if you want to think that way, then ok." (I will admit I can be a little stubborn at times...) I immediately felt rejected and pushed away, and I told him that I felt like he said, "Fine, think that way, I don't care, go away". He was surprised that disagreeing with me felt like such a strong rejection to me. After that, I was kind of spiraling into this state where nothing he could say that was remotely challenging was right and I felt like every single thing I did was wrong, even when I think he was trying to comfort me a little and bring me out of it. I remember at one point he said, "It seems like when you hear something that doesn't exactly fit what you are feeling in the moment or that challenges the way you think, it feels like a huge rejection or abandonment."

Is it possible that it wasn't because he disagreed with you that you were upset but that he withdrew? I don't mind if my therapist disagrees with me or even shouts at me. But when he turns away with a comment like that, I get really upset. It's a breaking of the thread of connection between us.

I prefer it when he says something like "I know you feel that way," in gentle tones. It isn't so much a withdrawal.

 

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poster:Dinah thread:910727
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090730/msgs/911232.html