Posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2009, at 2:14:00
In reply to Re: letting go » alexandra_k, posted by 10derHeart on August 9, 2009, at 1:22:48
Aw, you made me cry <sniff>
I'm not sure how long this will last... Probably it will come and go... But for the first time ever... Its here. I feel it. A will to live.
<sniff>
And... I actually don't hate my body. It isn't so bad. I would like to lose my rolls and I would like to be toned and more flexible... But I actually don't mind it so much. And the fatigue... Actually feels good. Almost emotional. The line between physical and emotional ache is very close for me... Fatigue... Feels... Satisfying in some way. Calm. Relaxed. Faintly powerful. Not sad. Endorphins are incompatible with sadness and you just don't have the energy to feel frustrated / angry. Not sure how the emptiness is going... Partly better, I think.
But I'm sure it will come and go.> I joined our local community center (gym, health club, swimming, all that...) 6 weeks ago and have gone only 3 times. :-(
Do you have a program? I spent thirty bucks to get some guy to figure out a program for me. I'm basically... Working to be able to do the darned thing. Took some time to figure out how heavy the weights should be so I was struggling with the last rep. I can't do the full thing yet (can't do that many reps on arms or the core strength exercises). But each time I go I do something more than the day before, and I'm feeling really good making progress towards being able to do it. I don't know how well I'd go with setting goals for myself...
> You reminded me of how one can get in a zone, how it's something to look forward to - not dread.
Yeah. I'm trying to hold that in mind. I'm lucky that I have the time to be able to do it. I imagine what it must be like being primary caregiver with small kids... Not enough time in the day... Not enough time to do something like this. It kinda is a luxury, really. Some time for me. Just to focus on me. Seeing other really fit people can actually be inspiring of something I'd like to be able to do one day... Seeing myself make progress on my program is inspiring that I'm actually making progress. Getting a little bit stronger... Every day.
I alternate arms and legs. They hurt the day after. But when they are hurting stretching them out feels WONDERFUL. It actually... Feels pretty good to be doing it (though I'm taking it fairly easy so I want to go back). Just get your *rs* there and then... Really hold onto / embrace the endorphins. I think... That is the key.
Let me know how you go :-)
poster:alexandra_k
thread:910891
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090730/msgs/911055.html