Posted by garnet71 on June 18, 2009, at 16:29:12
In reply to Re: New psychiatrist/analyst can't treat me » garnet71, posted by SLS on June 18, 2009, at 15:38:27
"It is like a first love. He opened up a whole new world for you"
You sure got that right.
It's just I've been bawling my eyes out, having to resist urges to call him and ask him for comfort..and for his help in dealing with this attachment. I want to talk to him so badly. But I don't want to cross any of his boundaries calling him, perhaps bothering him. I want to hug him. I've never felt urges to hug a therapist before. I want to help clean his disorganized office, do something fun like redecorate it together. And I was going to ask him if he'd teach me about the unconsciousness, object relations, and psychology in general. I want to ask him to help me write one of my papers for school. I feel so pathetic.
But now it feels like I'm reliving my childhood scenerio, abandoned by my father, now having to depend on the female therapist, my mother. My mother was never there for me, didn't protect me, neglected me, and left me to fend for myself so I turned in to an adult when I was very young and only remember feeling like I didn't need anyone. It seemed my mother wanted us all to die, that we ruined her life. He sure made me realize I do have needs, which were unmet by both parents, brought up from my unconsciousness he exposed so well. I wanted him to know everything from my unconsciousness; as scary as that seems to me, he is the only one I want to share it with. I have little to no ego around him, just uninhibitness, a childlike playfulness.
I still want a male therapist though. Idon't feel I've ever had adverse issues with female friends, am heterosexual, and think I need to work with a male to help me deal with the childhood fatherly dynamics to be capable of a mature, seasoned love with a partner someday. I remember, though, reading about theory long ago, that there's a female and male aspect to each gender.
I finally called the female therapist, left a message. But I all i want to talk to her about is him. I'm grieving so much. I've known this doctor for only 3 hours total out of my entire life, yet felt more closly bonded to him than any other male in my entire life. It's scary and wonderful at the same time.
poster:garnet71
thread:901600
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090614/msgs/901845.html