Posted by raisinb on April 6, 2009, at 18:19:06
I just don't think I can do this anymore.
I went in today and everything was fine, going well. I was talking about my week, my mom's visit, etc. She asked me "are we going to be able to do this?" I said I don't know, it's so hard. And she agreed. She asked me how it had been when she was gone. I said it had been pretty brutal for a few weeks, and then I'd gotten to a place where I accepted it, and was ambivalent about coming back because I felt like this was my chance to break free.
She said, "I feel like I'm never gonna be as emotionally connected as you are in this relationship." I was very hurt by this, as you can imagine. I closed up immediately and spent the rest of the time (and will spend the rest of this evening) contemplating why she'd said it.
She said she was sorry, she messed up, what could she do to make it right, etc.--and I could see she wasn't trying very hard. I told her, do whatever you want--whatever you do has to come from you, I can't tell you.
She knew it would hurt me and even prefaced it before she said it.
So is she trying to push me into quitting? To be less needy and dependent? I don't understand. I haven't been *that* bad since she came back--I haven't called, I have done the best I can. Have her feelings about the whole thing changed? Why can't she just say that directly?
This is awful. Should I even try to go back?
poster:raisinb
thread:889045
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090328/msgs/889045.html