Posted by wittgensteinz on February 16, 2009, at 13:33:57
In reply to Re: I am feeling really sad now, posted by HappyChaiTea on February 16, 2009, at 3:56:07
HappyCT,
I don't know what the messages from Jammer mean - they are not 'uncivil' in the psychobabble sense (I have no idea if they are in any other sense) but I sense that she is trying to convey something underlying - perhaps you know what it is, perhaps not - if not, then try not to worry. I'm sorry that some of the replies on this thread have started to upset you.
I think what you are doing with your current T is very important - now I have no idea how you plan to 'deal' with ex-ex-T and that's up to you and her really but whatever you choose, why shouldn't you ask for and receive understanding and support here?
There was a stage too when I posted something less than supportive about your reaction/feelings toward your ex-ex-T - this was some time ago and I think it would have made you feel belittled and I'm sorry. I had to think why I felt this way and maybe because this is a difficult topic - taboo even. I mean, many of us in some way crave 'special attention' from our Ts. We want to feel loved and special, and in a way it seems your ex-ex-T took advantage of a desire you had (maybe?) to be special to him. So maybe I reacted the way I did through jealousy or just at the discomfort that things like this even happen in therapy - where I would feel safer that they didn't? I'm not sure.
Anyway, I read your list again (I think the one you post on this thread is longer than the one I read before). I agree there is a context. You can lift some of those phrases and would make nothing of them but in the grand scheme of things what you experienced with this man seems to be something very far from therapeutic. I would like to feel loved and special by my T and that desire is fine - maybe I even am in some sense - but if he would treat me like a friend or confidante, he would ruin any chance of my improving. He would take the one opportunity for me to be really heard and turn it into something for HIM and I would later feel very used and worthless - of course in the first place I would like it/encourage it because I would believe I was getting the love and attention I never got - but later reality would set - as it did with you when he told you coldly that he didn't care and wouldn't attend your funeral. And from the perspective of a person who had a difficult childhood, feeling loved and special are the very cravings of unloved/abused children and we are blind to the warning signs when someone takes advantage of our vulnerabilities. If this man says things like this during therapy I don't think he should be practicing, and if you and your current T can find a way to help prevent this happening again then that is a positive thing in my opinion.
You might not get support from everyone. It's hard but try to hold on to those supporting words and let the less helpful ones pass you by.
Witti
poster:wittgensteinz
thread:879908
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090214/msgs/880499.html