Posted by lucie lu on February 14, 2009, at 13:00:54
In reply to Re: A jaw dropper but a great one! (more later) » lucie lu, posted by antigua3 on February 13, 2009, at 7:05:24
Sorry, I didn't mean to be mysterious, I just was floored by your story and didn't have time to respond. There is so much there!
Your pdoc story just blew me away. That man is something else! You know, when you (or anyone here) describe your Ts or other important people in your life, over time it creates a particular image. Well, what happened at your pdoc session just completely shattered that image for me. I then find myself wondering, was there some technique-based "script" he's been working from that you didn't know about but suddenly fell into through your letter?
In a later post of yours, you commented that he is a non-native English speaker. That really caught my eye. You and he so often seem to be miscommunicating. Is it possible some of this could be culturally or language based? Where was he trained, i.e. where did he learn to practice the brand of therapy he practices? All of this just seems to open up a lot of new possibilities with your pdoc, antigua. I get the sense that, whatever the reason, a very important part of your therapy with him is going to consist of mutual efforts toward communication. That seemed to have been an important component of that session. And I have to say that, as confusing as all that was, it did seem to reinforce in my mind the fact that he obviously cares a lot for you. I like his observation that you tend to end a session in anger, perhaps to help you keep the distance you need to feel safe from him. That was perceptive.
Words can really get you hung up. I remember one time getting into a non-productive and fairly uncharacteristic fight with my T over my use of the word "couple" to describe us in the therapy context. In retrospect, I think words such as dyad, partners, etc would have been more accurate but I just didn't think of them at the time. It seems to have been very triggering for him, because he was very insistent that we were not "a couple." It was like he had an allergic reaction to that word. We just couldn't seem to get beyond that in that session, and it was very frustrating for both of us. He absolutely felt this was something that was critically important to get across to me. But I was trying equally hard to talk about our relationship from another direction altogether, and nothing was gained from that particular session. In fact his insistence hurt my feelings since his response was just so "out there" and in my face when I was trying to address something else. But sometimes it is just like that, in therapy and IRL. We all have our different frames of internal reference, and so often they are more dissimilar than similar. And so often we are unaware that we are on different pages, and need to be brought back together into the same place by explicit and continuing efforts to communicate and work things out mutually.
I am glad your T explained things for you as she has. I just love her. And your pdoc is very interesting; have to give him that.
Keep us posted!
Lucie
poster:lucie lu
thread:879619
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090214/msgs/880099.html