Posted by sharon7 on February 12, 2009, at 10:42:47
Hey. I'll try to keep this brief. I feel like I'm 'babbling' too much! I don't want to get booted off!
Anyway, my eyes have opened so much recently. Realizing I'm not alone in transference hades, while comforting on one hand, also kind of makes me a little sad (or something.. don't know that 'sad' is really the right word.) I don't know what is.
Reason being: for so many of us, because of our lousy upbringing mostly, we grew up feeling very 'un-special' and very unloved. In the relationship with our T's, it seems to be vitally important to us that we feel 'special'in her/his eyes. Uunless it's just me! lol! (o:Anyway, now that I have such a clear understanding as to what it going on inside as far as these feelings are concerned, and knowing full well that my T has known about them all along, but was just waiting for me to be able to express them to her verbally, now I suddenly feel like a walking text book on Abnormal Psychology!
I mean, knowing your behaviors are so easily predictable and to be expected, makes me feel very exposed, quite ordinary which all seem to sum up to say "you're not special." Just another classic, text book case of transference." I guess it's a bit unnerving knowing that everything I feel, do and say follows such a predictable pattern, and nothing I express to my therapist is going to be news to her as far as my feelings of closeness to her are concerned. I feel like I'm going to be on guard now against displaying any of this predictable, cookie cutter behavior, emotions or whatever. HA! Like they can be so easily controlled and overridden.I think this feeling has been amplified because I just started reading that "In Session" book some of you recommended. I just started it, but the author has already decribed this pattern of behavior, so now I realize just how predictable (and exposed) I really am.
I don't know if that made any sense at all to anyone. Just thought I'd throw it out there. Thanks alot.
Sharon
poster:sharon7
thread:879622
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/879622.html