Posted by seldomseen on February 10, 2009, at 3:08:56
In reply to maybe not an accident?, posted by lucie lu on February 9, 2009, at 20:18:39
I think our minds can do some very powerful stuff to keep us safe.
I'm so sorry that you experienced this kind of pain, but perhaps in some way it is leading you to some kind of truth, and closer to some kind of peace.
My therapist posits the concept a fear/wish which I find especially helpful. Something we want so badly, but are mortially afraid will happen. I have a particularly strong fear/wish about going into hospital. I so wish I could just give up sometimes, but I'm so afraid of losing my life to the control of others. Of course, I also to this day have a fear/wish in relation to him.
I completely understand throwing the metaphoric notebook up in the air. It is so nice and so safe to build these wonderful elaborate constructs about our therapy, but sooner or later we are confronted with life outside of these contructs. You're right it sucks. It's a pain that I think we have to absorb and incorporate. I hope one day I will fully integrate that what we have is enough.
To this end I think the more I progress in therapy, the closer those contructs are coming to synching up with the actual therapeutic experience. They are becoming less about our relationship and more about me and my understanding of myself.
On the other hand, it has also been my experience that when there is a therapy misfire - especially after a particular close session, that the perceived rejection feels particularly acute.
There is an expectation that the subsequent session will be as close, and I so want that closeness, but lightening rarely strikes twice in a row you know?
Keep talking.
Peace
Seldom.
poster:seldomseen
thread:879103
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/879203.html