Posted by onceupon on February 3, 2009, at 13:05:20
During my last session with my therapist, we got to some really difficult (for me) stuff about 5 minutes before the end of the hour. I was crying, which is rare for me in therapy, but visibly trying to keep myself from doing so because I was, as they say, aware of the time. I know this is a pattern for me - it takes me forever to warm up, and then when I do get hit by intense emotion, it's right around the time when we need to be wrapping up. I find this frustrating, and imagine that my therapist might find it frustrating as well.
Luckily my therapist is graceful, and usually does not try to hurry me out at the end of sessions. If anything, I'm looking at the clock and saying that I need to go during these sessions that get intense right at the end. I'd estimate this happens once a month or six weeks or so.
Last week I was having a hard go of it, and when I stood up to leave, my therapist noted that I was shaking and asked me if I was okay. Clearly the answer was no, but I'm never sure how to answer that one. Usually I say something like, "I'll be fine." She asked me if I was okay to drive, and I again insisted I'd be fine. By this time we had both been standing for a minute or so and I was itching to bolt. She then told me, "You're welcome to stay." I took this to mean that I could take a few moments to compose myself, and I assumed that she meant in her office, since there's really no other place to wait in her building other than the shared waiting room, which is NOT a place I like to hang out any longer than necessary.
But I had no idea what to say to that, so I just mumbled that I was fine and took off. Not infrequently I need to take time to compose myself in my car before feeling ready to navigate traffic and whatnot, and I did so that afternoon. For some reason though, my therapist's pretty offhand comment really threw me and I'm wondering if anyone has any thoughts, similar experiences, etc. I should say that it threw me because in that moment I couldn't imagine how on earth that would have worked. I had paid her, we had confirmed our next appointment, and I had gotten up to leave. Would I just sit down while she wrote her notes or did whatever it is that therapists do between clients? Would she talk to me? Did she have another client coming?
This was last week, and I've since filed it away under the disproportional significance of small things file. But it's still nagging me, hence my post.
poster:onceupon
thread:877801
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090129/msgs/877801.html