Posted by Dinah on January 24, 2009, at 14:19:44
In reply to Will I ever stop wanting/needing a 'Mommie?', posted by sharon7 on January 24, 2009, at 13:12:52
I have never stopped needing one.
But I have enormously reduced the number of times that this causes a problem, or that I have emotional meltdowns.
I learned to try to be aware of the emotional cues in the moment. A lot of times I wouldn't even realize that I was upset until an hour after therapy when something registered as being different or scary. My therapist was absolutely delighted with him when I started to get angry or upset in session instead of calling him later when he really wasn't quite sure what was going on.
And I learned to be totally honest with him. That's not easy, and it requires a lot of trust. But if I felt that he was different on a given day, and tried to figure out what was going on myself, I'd come up with all sorts of scenarios that may have had a hint of truth, but had tons and tons of stuff built on top of the truth. So instead I'll tell him he seems distant today. He's really good about being honest (usually with one glaring exception in the near distant past), and telling me briefly if he is feeling distracted or tired. Or he'll tell me that he's feeling a bit angry with me and we'll discuss why. Or sometimes he tells me he really doesn't think it's on his side. Is something going on with me today?
It's scary, but in my case the reality was way less scary than the foundation of fears I had built on top of it.
I like to think that what I learned with him I carry over to my relationships with others.
It still happens from time to time, but it's much better. And I still need my therapist/mommy. I can't imagine not needing him.
Whatever path brings you peace in this, it isn't easy and it takes time. So try to be patient and understanding with yourself?
Welcome to Babble Sharon. I'm glad you decided to post.
poster:Dinah
thread:875824
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090109/msgs/875847.html