Posted by workinprogress on January 15, 2009, at 1:07:10
In reply to Re: I think I might give it back » Dinah, posted by raisinb on January 14, 2009, at 8:54:46
I totally empathize with your feeling like an "ingrate". I mean, you asked something of your therapist that many therapist's wouldn't do. No, you wanted it and she offered it without you asking. Then, it didn't fit. It sounds like you appreciate the sentiment, but that something is off about it. Is that fair? I think I would ask just what isn't working? Is it the bad session that needs to be worked through? Or that you wanted something slightly different from the meaning of the object? Or something else?
But, I totally relate. I told my T before the holidays that I wanted to give her something. That I wanted her to have something that I had a piece of too. Ideally the two halves make a whole. That I wanted to "be in her pocket/heart" and her in mine. I never quite found the right thing, but I did find little metal "stones" that had the word "forever" engraved in them. I put mine in the coin purse part of my wallet. And I gave one to her. She put it in the little box she has on her table (between her and client where tissue sits... she puts her cards in the table, chapstick, etc.)... oh yeah... incidentally, I gave her the box a year ago. But... I WANTED IT TO BE WITH HER ALWAYS!!!
We are talking about managing expectations. I decided to let it go. After all, she said she didn't need it to remember me, but it was ok if I did.
Anyway... point being, we, unconsciously or not, have strong feelings about these symbolic things. And it is a BIG DEAL that she's going away (though not forever- but there's also the issue of now she'll have other distractions/priorities). I don't think you can talk too much about how that makes you feel and what you can do to work through it together. Nor does it surprise me that you'd have tough points right before either. You may very well be angry... and that would be fair.
Hang in there. I feel for you!
> I wouldn't want her to think I was running off with something important to her.
> It was very comforting until we had that crappy session on Monday. Now I don't want it around.
> Not to quibble, but I don't understand why she gave me something I have to bring back. It feels like a half-gift, you know? I didn't want a loan. Yeah, I know I sound like an ingrate.