Posted by pegasus on January 6, 2009, at 10:54:18
In reply to Re: Who do you call at 2 a.m.?, posted by Partlycloudy on January 6, 2009, at 6:50:58
Yeah, I have to agree with the others: I don't call anyone in the middle of the night. I have some very dear friends, who have been incredibly supportive in all kinds of situations. But I wouldn't ask them to take a phone call from me in the middle of the night. The one exception might be if I needed to notify someone of a death, or other urgent crisis, and it couldn't reasonably wait until morning.
Partly this is my issue with not thinking anyone would want to help me, and that any contact from me is by definition bothersome. And partly it's knowing how I'd feel if someone called me in the middle of the night wanting to talk. No one ever has, though.
If it would be unhelpful for you to hear about someone having negative feelings about helping you, then please don't read this paragraph. I'm including it because you asked what you might be doing wrong, and I think you were sincere in wanting to know. This is how I would feel if a friend called me in crisis to talk in the middle of the night: Of course, I'd want to help, and I'd feel glad if our conversation seemed to be helping. I would also be aware of the precious sleep I was missing, and how tired I'd feel the next day, and I'd be worried about waking my family. If it was only once every few months, and the person seemed appropriately appreciative of my taking a hard call in the middle of the night, then I'd be glad to make that sacrifice in order to help. If it happened a lot (e.g., so I was getting really stressed by it, or losing a lot of sleep), and/or my friend didn't seem concerned/aware of the impact on me or my family, then I'd start to resent it. Maybe that shows that I'm not such a great friend (maybe that's why one one has ever called me in the night?).
I thought the other posters had some great ideas for alternative ways to process things in the middle of the night at the worst of times. I have used writing a lot at those times, myself. Sometimes I email my writing to a T or friend. Sometimes I just revise and revise it until I have it *exactly* right, which somehow seems to put my mind more at ease.
Peg
poster:pegasus
thread:872448
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081219/msgs/872483.html