Posted by rskontos on December 12, 2008, at 18:47:29
I know is related to something really hurtful that caused all my issues, all my dissociative states and my anxiety. I dropped my son of and out of the blue it happened. I was so anxious, I hurt, I wanted to hide, I hurt, I knew someone hurt me, I knew in my head I was currently being hurt but I tingled in places I can't name, I wasn't me I was someone little that didn't like what was happening but couldn't stop it. I am not sure what caused this reaction. I did not flashback visually just physically. It lasted for about most of the ride home, 15 minutes, and I tried to get a grip, not to lose the connection. I guess I was partly there and partly not.
It really hurt. I then tried to come back.
So I focused on coming here to see if anyone had posted to me, and many had so that helped. I watched my DD's video again. Anything to remember me of a happier time.
And now if I focus on what triggered it, I think it was thinking about what caused so much hurt that might have caused me to be the way I am. And that is focus on my lost memory I guess triggered the physical memories. I don't know.
I have been upset most of the day but had to hide it from DS. Who was in such a good mood. He got excellent grades on his tests he had these past few days and then past his driving test and is now a licensed driver (oh now, more worries) so I couldn't upset him.
this hiding stuff sure is the toughest work sometimes.
anyway thanks for listening. I am going to take a xanax. My nerves are shot.
rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:868355
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/868355.html