Posted by B2chica on December 9, 2008, at 9:07:16
In reply to PTSD/Flashbacks *child abuse trigger*, posted by invioletlight on December 8, 2008, at 17:37:49
i heard a couple things in there that i would like to comment on.
one is that her having flashbacks is this a recent onset or has she been suffering for a while. i ask because finding 'triggers' to the flash backs can be important work, both by her and therapist, but also something you maybe can help with.
if they are fairly new onslaught, it might not be a trigger so much as the memories are being released and are coming forth in bits so she can handle them better than if they all came at once.
during them all i can say is what i need sometimes and that's someone to 'ground' me. to remind me that i'm in the present NOT the past. that what i'm seeing or feeling is NOT happening right now. and that i am safe (with T, or DH, SO whomever).
Sometimes i can stand to be touched when i'm like that but i yearn to be 'next' to someone. so just being there even if you feel you are doing nothing can be helpful. to know she is not abandoned, for memories she already feels ashamed and to blame for.
She's also probably scared and unsure of what's happening to her. let her know that all the abuse she suffered was stored so that she could survive and that her mind knows she is now strong enough to deal (bit by bit) with what happened.
BUT at her OWN PACE.
as she feels these flashbacks its helpful to talk about them, describe them to they aren't secret anymore.
i'm not necessarily saying it should be you, most likely a T. but if she needs to talk about them do you think you could hear it?
for some people the answer is no...DO NOT feel bad for that.
you should NOT be in the role of a T. you need to be a SO, its hard at this stage to not fall into the roll of a caretaker.
but i do work with people with disabilities and one thing i hear over and over is the nondisabled spouse sometimes feels they've lost their marriage because they've become "the caretaker", and lost that connection.So though you may want to take on a large roll with her recovery. i say First and Foremost, be honest with yourself of what you can handle and whats best left for the therapist (or a different friend or support group). Just remember if you need to be there for the long haul, try not to let the 'drama' or childlike actions make you want to become something you are not meant to be.
(and PLEASE dont take those words as ANY sort of negative to your GF)
i just mean that there is a lot of drama...maybe emotions is better word, that can be overwhelming for both of you. and i know even my T sometimes struggles when i am littleone because she wants to just let me sit on her lap and hold me. so our instincts are to parent, to protect. and sometimes that's good but sometimes that can be bad, for both parties.i j ust want to say that you are doing the right thing with looking for outside help. it's the best thing for BOTH you and her.
**********************
Daisy mentioned two great books.
a courage to heal is a MUST read for all survivors, it may not all apply, but it truly does help make a first step. i had to read my copy in small bits and not in order.
BEST WISHES TO YOU
b2c.
poster:B2chica
thread:867570
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081205/msgs/867688.html