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As I suspected our Ts are twins separated at birth » DAisym

Posted by lucie lu on November 26, 2008, at 11:51:24

In reply to Re: I'd like to get to know the Babble therapists, posted by DAisym on November 25, 2008, at 23:10:29

> This is a very intimidating thread for me for reasons I'm not sure of.

Despite the difficulty of capturing the complexities of a person's essence, most of the posts here have done an excellent job at doing just that. I have felt hard-pressed to meet the level of some of these very eloquent posts. They have been very moving.

> My therapist is somewhere between 45 and 65 - it is impossible to tell based on what he looks like. My best guess is that he is near 60. He has been a therapist for nearly 30 years and is considered an expert in relationships and in individual trauma therapy. I have no real idea how tall he is - not too tall but not short either. Sometimes he feels so big and other times not - it is a therapy-space thing for me. He has a medium build, dark hair with gray sides and wears rimless glasses. He dresses nicely but come on - this is California - it is all about casual. So slacks, collared shirts, no ties, no jackets. I love that he wears purple a lot. He fidgets in his chair. He is rarely distracted.

Similar but no wearing purple - hey, this is the East Coast. Thin black rims on glasses, hair gray and very curly (Jewish 'fro?), salt-and-pepper closely cut beard, which he grew a couple of years ago. He had more hair on top when I started seeing him, now pretty much smooth on top except for sides and back. Used to crack his knuckles when I'd produce difficult or very painful material. About 6', med build, looks like he used to be athletic, a few years older than me (I'm mid-fifties). Sometimes wears suits or jacket and tie when he has to (consults? court? new clients?), but prefers casual - cords, chinos. Has a disreputable looking, beat-up black leather jacket hanging up discreetly behind the door. Similar level of experience and attentive.

> He has a great voice - full of emotion. He is very smart and sarcastic. He likes Celtic music and Shakespeare and James Hillman. He is reserved and thoughtful. He almost never talks about other clients or himself, unless I ask a question. His approach is mostly psychoanalytic but with some gestalt/existentialism thrown in.He believes in attachment therapy and told me once that he has always believed that it is all about the relationship, before that was the "in" thing to believe. He is amazingly creative in his ability to show he cares and to stay connected.

If he is sarcastic, he keeps it away from me. Has a very soothing voice, when I'm really upset, it quiets even more, almost a hypnotic whisper - very, very calming and soothing. Same beliefs about attachments, therapy orientation etc. Also reserved and thoughtful.

> He is Jewish and not afraid to talk about God. He is almost, to use Dinah's word, unflappable. His anxiety comes through when I'm suicidal, which he freely admits. He owns his mistakes and apologies when he thinks he should. He opens conversations. He calls to check in. He gets emotional. He makes himself as available as possible and yet takes really good care of himself. He believes in boundaries. He does not hug.

Except for the God part, pretty much identical. He does not believe in God, and thinks anything "mystical" is a waste of time and psychic energy; human beings are multi-dimensional enough. I would consider him a secular humanist. Well-boundaried, inwardly anxious (doesn't show anything but steadiness at the time) only when I've been in really tough shape. Always follows through. Never, in six years, double-booked an appt or even been more than 5-10 min late. Although our sessions sometimes have run over. Always calls if he thinks he will be late, e.g. by 15 min. Always reschedules. Only cancelled due to sickness a couple of times, although I've cancelled a few times due to illness and he's always rescheduled. He will give me extra sessions or phone contact if I ask for it and if he has time available. He is unbelievably constant, and I have many times commented on how I can't believe anyone can be so consistent as he has been. It's quite a record. He is very dependable.

> And yet, despite not hugging, he is really warm and I usually feel really held and cared for. And he is hilarious - and so real. Yesterday he said, "that bring up really sh&tty feelings, doesn't it?" Totally. I like that he swears sometimes. He does ask a lot of questions, but they are the right questions. He loves stories about my kids and cheers when something good happens for them. He thinks I work too hard and is always encouraging me to find my inner-b&tch and learn to say no. He gets mad for me, but never at me. I've never heard him yell but he says he does. He takes my side often, even while encouraging me to look at the other side. He is protective of all the parts and pieces.

He is extremely self-disciplined, so I can allow myself a great deal of freedom and still feel safe. But he is always warm and accepting to me. His general acceptance of things and people is a major value of his that has been transmitted to me. A calming life perspective, I find. He is very protective of me and validating. I know he cares very much about me and my life and is committed to my therapy. He takes this commitment very seriously.

To me, he is pretty amazing. I have never experienced that level of constancy and commitment before. He is a great T - I lucked out when I was referred to him by my DD's T, who is a friend of his. I will always be grateful.

> I'm not a dog person so I have no idea what kind of a dog he would be.

As twins separated at birth, both must be Golden Retrievers :)


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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:lucie lu thread:865092
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081120/msgs/865341.html