Posted by obsidian on November 25, 2008, at 8:49:10
In reply to Please don't reject me, I am sorry, posted by SlugSlimersSoSlided on November 25, 2008, at 7:40:44
> I am sorry, but I know I have used up my share of Babble forgiveness. You all know me as the happy flower who could always laugh off the pain.
hey, happyflower, you don't have to laugh it off you know, it's ok
and it is nice to see you, I was worried about you
> I can't no longer, I feel the rejection as raw pain, please don't tell me to go elsewhere to air my stuff. That cuts like a knife through my soul.I don't want you to go anywhere, I'd like you to stay here.
> It is so hard to come back here, I don't feel like this is my sanctuary anymore, in fact no where seems safe anymore. It reminds me of my mom who used to tell me nobody will listen to me because I am nothing but a pile of sh*t. I feel like the little child that has no safe place to go other than to hide in the woods.that may be a message in your head that keeps playing, but you deserve to be listened to.
I can in some way relate, although I have my own very different experiences. Sometimes I feel hurt, by something, some interaction, and it is just like another time, and I am that helpless person again, utterly defenseless and hurt beyond description.> In fact I can no longer take my anger out on others for feeling unwanted here, I now take the anger out on myself. The pain sears through my body and I want to hurt it for it let me down. I can't pretend to be the happy flower no more. I can't take hurt anymore. I think that may be the end of me being here, because I can't take a chance of being hurt. I am gun shy, and it is hard to want to hear from those who care, but it is taking a chance of hearing things that can hurt me to the core.
it's a risk isn't it? but people do in fact care very much about you here.
> I feel defenseless here, I am sad, I have been here a long time. I know I have hurt others, and I am truly sorry for that. I really am.we all do things we regret happyflower, as painful as that can be. People aren't perfect, and I don't think perfection is something to aspire to, it doesn't exist after all. I hope you can get to talk to the people you feel that you hurt. Anger doesn't have to be something that always destroys. Sometimes all we can do is try to understand ourselves and other people more.
anyway, it's nice to see you
be gentle with yourself
((((((you)))))))
-sid
poster:obsidian
thread:865155
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081120/msgs/865161.html