Posted by seldomseen on November 23, 2008, at 12:59:15
In reply to Re: Humans must exist along a continuum of attachm » seldomseen, posted by Wittgensteinz on November 23, 2008, at 10:21:50
"Is it a question of: whether your difficulty/resistance to attachment/your solitary nature is indeed pathological OR if it is simply something that fits within the (normal) spectrum of human physiology?
...
What I mean is - if you are a solitary person yet you are able to keep a job, look after yourself, live without the burden of intolerable sadness and anxiety, then there is nothing pathological about your attachment style. Another person might have the same attachment style but spend their days avoiding social situations, longing for the relationships they were unable to form etc. I don't think it is the attachment in itself and alone that constitutes mental health, it is the effects of that attachment style on the way that person functions (or fails to function) in society."I think I'm a functioning member of society. I also know that being alone is not a big deal for me at all. In fact, sometimes it is a huge relief to NOT be burdened with others. Is that a pathology? That relief? I get lonely sometimes, but have I ever really felt alone? I don't know. I've fallen madly, utterly in love (and it was wonderful), seen that relationship end, suffered the heartbreak, then experienced the relief of being free from it.
I don't know what my attachment style is, only that what is going on right now between my therapist and me is hurtful.
"...I think the question of whether or not your early environment is the 'cause' of your adult attachment style cannot be answered - it will likely be a combination of genetics and your experiences that will have contributed to who you are and how you attach.
What is important is to ask yourself whether your psychotherapy is serving a purpose to you in your functioning in society."It isn't helping my function in society. It may have helped me to actually fall in love, but I function just fine either way.
"Do you long to be able to attach in a way you cannot?"
This is a great question. One, of course, I don't have the answer to. I'm having a lot of trouble separating out what *I* want, versus what theory, my therapist, the rest of the world, *tells* me I should want."Does your attachment style cause you suffering/limitations?"
The primary source of my suffering is the relationship with my therapist I think. Why are his missteps so painful? Why do I not, simply understand that these things happen and it doesn't change anything and just move with it? I do that in other relationships. Why not him? Of course one could argue that those other relationships are quite superficial and that I simply don't really care enough to be bothered by it.
"I know I haven't posted on your earlier threads. Reading what you have written about the way your currently feel toward your therapist, it seems you have a lot of anger toward him. It is interesting that you are questioning psychology/psychiatric theory per se, when there is already all this going on in terms of you and your therapist. Are these two separate lines of thought or are they connected?"
I think they *are* connected.
"On the one hand you write of the natural feeling of abandonment and hurt one would experience at being locked out and being forgotten triggered by your therapist's actions of late - and on the other you write of your skepticism of psychology in general - did one lead to the other?"As I indicated, they are connected, but I don't know if they are causal. I'm not skeptical of psychology, in fact, a picture of Freud hangs in my bedroom (wow, wouldn't he have a field day with THAT?). I'm just wondering if my therapist and I may have missed something fundamental about me.
"From reading what you have written in the past, I always had the feeling that you have a good, strong attachment with your T. My feeling is that the answer you arrive at in regards to your questions about physiology and pathology should be explored once you have worked through the way your T's actions have made you feel lately, rather than as a grounds as to whether or not to terminate."
That is just good, sound advice. Though temporally related, I think you are dead on that these should be treated as two separate issies.
"There was something you said in an earlier thread about how your relationship with your T was pretty much emulating that you had with your parents - and it made me wonder whether your therapist's being open about his desires toward you was still something in need of further discussion/exploration."
Oh lord I hope not.
"I hope I haven't missed the point completely here and that this makes some sort of sense! I also hope I haven't stepped over the mark and if so, I'm sorry.
I really feel for you and what you're going through. Have you put these questions to your T?"
You haven't missed anything, thank you for your response.
Witti
poster:seldomseen
thread:864830
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081120/msgs/864869.html