Posted by stellabystarlight on November 1, 2008, at 23:56:56
In reply to Re: My T's response to my........ » stellabystarlight, posted by JayMac on November 1, 2008, at 20:29:50
Jay,
When I first began therapy with my T, there were times during sessions when I felt as if I were just going through the motions of doing therapy, but all I really wanted was for my T to tell me how much he cared about me. Much of what I said in the beginning of therapy was to connect with him, and "attach" him to me. I believed he could meet all of my needs and fill my emptiness with his caring and love. But I was too afraid to talk to him about it at the time because it would have been too painful and rejecting to hear him say "I don't care about you in the same way." I would get frustrated and angry with him for "withholding" love/caring from me when we were so close, and I was in constant pain. I didn't believe transference had much to do with my intense craving to be connected with him at all times. I wonder if this is what's going on with you Jay...
Looking back on it, I was attempting to replace my mother's lost love with his love...there's more to it than this simplistic explanation, but this was the core of why I craved his caring. And he told me he cared about me very early on, but it never seemed to be enough to fill the "hole" until much later when I actually felt his caring - when I trusted him enough to really open up my authentic self without trying to attach him to me. We've had many ups and downs, and the hole does seem smaller at times, but it's always there. However, I strongly feel that we're a good fit as a therapy pair, because he brings up so many intense feelings within me to work through. Perhaps these intense and painful feelings that we experience can be embraced as a chance to heal the past wounds.
I hope you don't feel like your feelings are minimized in anyway or you've done anything wrong, because I know how maddening it is to get a short "I'm sorry you're having a hard time" email from your T after you've poured your guts out. I know it hurts especially since you told her you wanted to hear her say she cares about you. I hope you can talk about this in a healing way with your T at your next session. Take care.
Stellabystarlight
poster:stellabystarlight
thread:860285
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081018/msgs/860324.html