Posted by workinprogress on October 15, 2008, at 22:18:04
In reply to How often do you....?, posted by JayMac on October 14, 2008, at 22:27:25
A whole heck of a lot! And it tormented me for quite some time. Is it ok? Is it good? Am I too dependent? Too needy? Too much? I finally feel... after over a year 1-2 times per week, that I am "settling in" as my T says.
It's been really painful. She encourages me to try to get close to her, to let myself love her, to take her in. But, she always said... trust takes time. Time Time Time.
I wanted to get her out of my head, because it was so painful... so preoccupying. A worm. I don't think the amount I think of her has changed, but I think what's really changed is how I feel about it. I trust her (mostly) now and feel more comfortable. I feel ok with needing her. I don't wonder what she's thinking. Or if she's secretly rolling her eyes when I need her and express that need (email/phone calls).
I think it's great to talk about this here. My fear was always that I was somehow abnormal, that my feelings were wrong or bad, that it was kind of freaky to think of her so much. It's helpful to see others' process and not feel alone. I think it's just part of the process.... and she was oh so patient with it.
WIP
poster:workinprogress
thread:857503
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20081005/msgs/857662.html