Posted by Justherself54 on August 7, 2008, at 19:26:21
In reply to Re: anyone understand?, posted by fleeting flutterby on August 7, 2008, at 15:49:02
My brother is an addict and I lived with an addict. I too could not figure out why he wouldn't quit drinking if he wanted to hold on to me and his baby (this was a long time ago). I left and raised my daughter...
Arguing with him was exhausing as he would turn everything around to seem like it my fault. He's been sober for 10 years now and we have a good relationship.
I came across this from an addiction forum...it's very harsh...but very true...it may help you to know what's going on in an addict's head..
What Addicts DoMy name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
I hope this doesn't cause too much distress...but this is straight from an addict.
I hope in therapy that you can find a way to put boundries in place that allow you to live your life to the fullest, without guilt or remorse. Many people have chosen to stay with the addict and have been able to utilize their coping skills and not allow the chaos that comes with addiction to rule their life.
For me I made the right decision to leave as my ex didn't stop drinking for another 10 years. It was a very hard decision as I still loved him deeply, but he put my daughter in jeopardy due to being drunk. At the time I couldn't believe he could do such a thing but when I read What Addicts Do..it makes sense.
My thoughts are with you..
poster:Justherself54
thread:844383
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/844851.html