Posted by Dinah on July 29, 2008, at 18:12:03
In reply to I talked to my T on the phone, posted by Lemonaide on July 29, 2008, at 17:47:18
If any of those books say that your history is your destiny, chuck em in the trash. They shouldn't even be given away, to be read by others.
You're aware that your anger causes you problems now. You have an understanding of the genesis of your anger. Hopefully you can use that understanding to be compassionate towards yourself.
Your anger causes you problems now, but it doesn't have to cause you problems forever. You can work on it with your therapist. You can work on it yourself. I know you don't have a diagnosis of borderline, but it might be worthwhile to invest in "Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder" by Marsha Linehan. It's got useful things for everyone regarding emotional regulation.
You know at least some people do forgive and move on. And some people may not. You have no control over that. All you can do is take responsibility for your actions, express regret for the pain you might have caused others, and try to repair things as best as you can. This might mean showing that you are trying to change. People may or may not accept your apology. But at the very least by changing your behavior, you'll reduce the number of people who might have reason not to forgive.
What's past is past. What you do today and tomorrow and the next day is what matters. If you fall short of your goals, that too is past. It's never too late to change.
I'm glad your current therapist understood. He sounds like a good guy, and a good therapist to help you with your anger. I always did think your old therapist distracted and avoided a bit too much.
poster:Dinah
thread:842902
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/842904.html