Posted by Daisym on July 18, 2008, at 1:53:02
In reply to Question on Therapy Types (long/sorry), posted by antigua3 on July 17, 2008, at 10:31:31
I have an instructor who often says, "we must break our attachment with attachment." And this from an infant researcher!
Babette Rothschild writes a lot about Trauma treatment (big Ts and little ts) and about somatic memories. She often says that the theraputic relationship is important but it can be background to the trauma work. She emphasizes the trust factor but talks a lot about Alan Shore's work of attunement, misattunement and reattunement. Essentially the therapist gains trust when there is a rupture that is repaired.
I suspect that the issue of the relationship *is* one of the major transference issues for you to resolve - because you had such a complicated relationship with your father - love/hate, and you were unseen by your mom - essentially abandoned - so that it must have felt like you weren't important to her. The relationship wasn't important.
If we step back and look at what a client needs the therapist (the relationship with the therapist) for, it might help make sense out of his approach. Clients need a therapist to help them name their feelings, to trust their perceptions and their feelings and perhaps even to scaffold a client as they feel their feelings. They provide a safety net "I'm not going to let you go off the deep end" - so we can explore our experiences and how they effect us now. But they also are often needed as projection screens - what can we throw up there so we can see what we are feeling.
I think your pdoc has looked at what you need from him - after all, you are clear that you have your therapist for the relationship, comfort piece. But you are also clear that you need to work with him to work through another set of experiences and feelings. I have to wonder if you can't reach your core fears with your therapist because she doesn't activate them in you. Your pdoc does but he also offers strict boundaries - and therefore a strict containment field. You won't be able to seduce him, or hurt him and you don't need to hold back with him. He sends the message that he isn't overly invested - but it maybe you need him to be this way so you can be free of impact to remember. The impact on him, that is. He isn't allowing you to derail the exploration of your feelings and experiences by talking about the relationship - or his feelings.
And trust -- well, I think you trust him about the important things. Because other wise you wouldn't be working this hard on it. I don't think you trust yourself, at least not enough yet. I have the same issues, btw.
My final thought is that this he is a "showing" not a "telling" therapist. He shows you that he cares but doesn't want to talk about his caring. I think there is a lot of CBT here - in which the relationship is not a primary factor.
I don't know if any of this makes sense. The question you ask is a huge one. The Boston change group grapples with the question, "what is the change agent of therapy" all the time. And they can't agree. I think if you are making progress and getting what you need, stay with it.
poster:Daisym
thread:840155
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080709/msgs/840379.html