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Re: Scared of men *triggers* long

Posted by muffled on July 15, 2008, at 18:33:05

In reply to Scared of men *triggers* long, posted by llurpsienoodle on July 15, 2008, at 17:09:25

> It's this fear of men. Imagining that every man out there is a predator and is pretty much going to rape me. It was triggered this past weekend when I was working and this intoxicated (smelly liquor breath) man came in. I am working as a tour guide in a museum this summer. Basically, I was was working alone, and this guy comes in (all by himself), asking for a tour. I didn't notice the liquor on his breath until we were in the middle of the tour. At this particular historical museum there are different rooms set up for exhibit, and some of them are bedrooms. I was terrified that he was going to hurt me. Death doesn't scare me much, but rape sure does. Well, nothing happened, but I was very shaken.

*actually, your radar WAS correct IMHO. You just need to maintain safety physically, often that is possible by words and keeping the other mind distracted so as to not allow it to fall into bad thots. Thats what i do.
Glad you didn't have to use any of your takedown training on him.

> So, I bring this up in therapy, and we work on it a little while, deciding that this was a truly dangerous situation, me working alone and all that. But then I went further and spoke about how I have a pretty general fear/terror of men, for as long as I have known myself. Mom always told me to watch out for strangers (men), but of course the most dangerous men lived under our roof. So, despite a fairly fragmented autobiography that I have shared with T, and that we worked on together, amidst much anxiety, I still have some serious angst. T joked about sending me off to Bessel VanDerKolk... (I hope he was joking about outsourcing his work lol)

*well FWIW I have this angst too. I have a male child, it can be disturbing sometimes.

> So, T has an interesting theory, no doubt with strong psychodynamic undercurrents. Here's his formulation of my psychological delimma:
>
> Trauma history leads to fear of men, but ALSO (here's where it gets interesting) a fear of my own power and sexuality. In my current interactions (face to face interviews with men, or leading tours or such), there are two parties, both with sexual energies. I am one of them, the man is the other. I try to diffuse the sexual charge by compartmentalizing my own sexuality and ignoring the man's power, to the extent that I am capable. (can you imagine how much it took to stay 'present' in this discussion? This is SO hard for me). That I can begin to engage in normal social interactions by acknowledging and experiencing my own sexuality. That I need to understand that most men have innocent intentions and boundaries that do not permit liasons.

*OK ???????????????????????????????????
I admire you sticking with this convo, and with a man no less. llurpygirl, you got SERIOUS guts.
But WTF??? I just bury any sexuality for ther most part cuz WTF?? SEX goto do w/ANYthing ANYways??? Makes me SO pissy mad, everything sex sex sex ...WTF???? ARRRGGGHHH.

> At this point, I attempted to wrap up our session, but he refused to grab his planner (which is his signal that the session is over), and agonizing "ums" "i don't knows" and mumblings interupted long silences. T repeating himself, Llurpsie trying hard to keep it together and not bolt out of the room. DanGeR going off, and panic rising in my throat.

*You are nice to your T. I can get kinda cheezy if my T psissing me, mind you...I got a female T. I wouldn't have a male T. Did your T do ANYthing to assist in calming you??? Was he aware of your intense discomfort?

> Do you guys get into any of this stuff with your T's? I feel like such a freak. T had this amused look on his face at the end, and was telling me that I am a very interesting young woman to work with. I asked him if he meant that in a pejorative sense (my self-esteem needed a little bolstering at this point), and he smiled more and said that I am a very interesting patient, and that I was complicated. I guess that's a compliment coming from him.

*Well your responses are not freaky thats for sure IMHO...but then...mebbe *I* kinda a freak myself....hmmmm!
Your T seems to be making things complicated if you ask me.
Wassup w/all this sexuality sh*t???
Sorry, sore spot for me.
I not talk bout this stuff yet. NewT wants to figger other stuff first.
You a brave one Llurpster I'll give you that.
Seems to me that you paranoid of men cuz men who SHOULD have protected you, didn't. DUHHHH, so NO WONDER you scared.
So now guess you goto understand that ALL men won't hurt you.
I try and look at men being nice and say to myself, see, the just PEOPLE who happen to be male, but they just like anybody, they not bad just cuz they got the bad parts that hurt, they just PEOPLE like females too. Some people. male or female ARE bad, but MOST are not. We just gonna have to try and trust our instincts.
Think there's something that we goto deal with the rage bout it all too....so that we don't keep having the desire to go round knackering guys we might perceive to be bad, even if we don't do it, but its not nice thots.
OK I crazy, I admit it. Had T today, not earl gret but DD Tea, HA.
Take care Llurps,
M

 

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