Posted by Dinah on July 10, 2008, at 11:31:36
In reply to Re: My therapist thinks my situation is hopeless » Dinah, posted by Midnightblue on July 10, 2008, at 0:37:31
I'm not sure wise works with my mother anyway. :)
I had the strangest dream last night. So vivid that I wasn't sure it was a dream when I first woke up.
The person who is currently living with my mother and helping her with her house had gotten a part time job because she can no longer pay him. And my mother was telling me she was so scared. That of course she thought about the future and she was so scared. That she thought about killing herself, her future seemed so bleak. And that she was just trying to control everything so that she wouldn't lose everything. I woke up feeling positively sorry for her.
And of course, none of those things is anything my mother would ever say. She's continually almost delusionally optimistic. In part because she always has gotten away with a remarkable amount. Medically, safety, financially. She puts herself in horrible situations yet somehow comes out just fine.
She told me the other day that she wouldn't live forever. And that she doesn't know why I go on the assumption that she will. But I swear she's not going to die one second before she wishes to. Her will is so unbelievably strong; she's both the immovable rock and the unstoppable force. Death will turn and run screaming away from her if he tries to take her before she wants to go.
I've got not so much will. My husband says I have plenty of will. Just not in comparison with her.