Posted by Dinah on July 9, 2008, at 11:06:18
In reply to Who Would Like To Set Short Term Goals For Behavio, posted by Phillipa on July 8, 2008, at 12:34:39
I could use setting some for work, or for food.
And I think you were setting some for independence?
I agree with the others. I wouldn't worry about your posting behavior unless it bothers *you*. Whatever is acceptable under the civility guidelines is acceptable on Babble.
If you want to work on interpersonal skills without thinking of yourself as being "bad" right now, that's not a bad goal. I do that nearly all the time, directly or indirectly, at Babble. But definitely not from the starting point that you're doing anything wrong.
One thing I've learned from Babble, an interpersonal skill I've improved if not mastered, is that not everyone is going to like me. That was really really hard for me. I used to think that because I meant well, and meant no harm to anyone, that people *should* recognize that and *should* like me. After years of battling with my therapist about the belief, I finally started to let go of it. I realized that it's not the end of the world if some people like me and some don't. It's even not the end of the world if some people detest me. If everyone detested me, that might be different.
I think I should start teaching that to my son. :)
"Not everyone is going to like you, no matter what a delightful young man you are. And that's... ok."
(There was a hilarious "Mad About You" episode about that.)
Now, all of that being said, and meant, there were some behaviors I exhibited that were not really in my best interests, or likely to improve my interpersonal relationships with others. In learning to modulate those behaviors, I did in fact start having a reduction in reactions that distressed me, and without in any way being untrue to myself. I'm absolutely positive there are old time Babblers who will recognize some of the ways I've changed.
I'm not entirely sure that's something that could be considered a short term goal. It took years and years of therapy with my therapist alternately validating me and gently pointing out why I was getting the reactions I was getting, then validating me again before I could get too upset and set up impenetrable defenses.