Re: How do i tell T something » rskontos

Posted by B2chica on June 26, 2008, at 15:27:02

In reply to Re: How do i tell T something, posted by rskontos on June 26, 2008, at 14:41:49

no. i don't think i am rk.
my mind is convincing me that i can 'handle' this.
but a few years ago i...well, i did end up having a bit of an eating disorder. but it was complex and more associated with trauma and psychosis and all i was dealing with. its sort of a way of SI for me i think.
well with these new meds.
i've noticed old habits becoming quite easy. skipping meals here and there. dont eat after 9, then 8, then 7.
now i allow myself to eat as much as i want but only in the time that it takes my little one to eat. and feeding her at the same time and mom's know how that goes.
i (one who NEVER drank diet pop cuz i hate the way it tastes) wont drink anything but that or water.
the last two weeks i've lost 5 lbs, i guess that's where i've noticed a scare. i mean afterall, i'm no skinny minny and there's no chance of me blowing away in the wind. i'm still at a hefty 156lbs. but it's gotten quite bad.
and it's not about my weight. it's not how i look although i did want to loose those baby lbs.
but now everytime i get angry at my DH "i can't eat", i get upset at work, "i can't eat", i worry about money "i can't eat". its excuses after excuses and the thing is.
my brain is telling me it's not a problem, but there's a twinge in my gut thats saying i need to tell someone.
(and no that twinge isn't hunger...but i guess it's not very funny huh).
but with the SI part, when i'm mad, if i feel hungry i'm happy and i say see...i'm not gonna eat, i can do that and NOBODY CAN SEE THE SCARS THIS TIME. NOBODY SEES ME SI. I CAN DO IT and it hurts NO ONE but myself.
the last few days i've noticed i'm shaky at work ( i think cuz of the caffine and ritalin and no food). but like i said i do eat, but only at dinner time and only what i can eat when littleone eats.

....THERE...i told someone.
its out. its not a secret anymomre.

Thread

How do i tell T something B2chica 6/26/08
Re: How do i tell T something rskontos 6/26/08
Re: How do i tell T something » rskontos B2chica 6/26/08
ps.can't say more now, leaving,bebcktomorrow. (nm) » rskontos B2chica 6/26/08
Re: How do i tell T something » rskontos rskontos 6/26/08
Re: How do i tell T something » rskontos B2chica 6/27/08
Re: How do i tell T something muffled 6/27/08
Re: How do i tell T something » B2chica rskontos 6/27/08
Re: How do i tell T something))B2Chica sunnydays 6/27/08
more urgent crisis now B2chica 6/27/08
Re: more urgent crisis now backseatdriver 6/27/08
Re: more urgent crisis now Lucie Lu 6/27/08
Re: more urgent crisis now » B2chica Dinah 6/27/08
Re: more urgent crisis now Lucie Lu 6/27/08
Re: more urgent crisis now » B2chica sunnydays 6/27/08
...
Re: more urgent crisis...update » rskontos B2chica 7/1/08

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poster:B2chica thread:836592
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080616/msgs/836611.html