Posted by LadyBug on June 26, 2008, at 13:03:21
It's been a month now since my last appointment with my T. I've been so bugged to let her know exactly how I feel because somehow I didn't think she was getting it. I came across a copy of a long post I had written here in April so I thought, what the heck, I'll make a copy and send it to her along with some thoughts and feelings that I have right now.
I wrote it out, re-read it till it was boring and I sent it today!!! I'm sure she will be mad at me for contacting her, but what can she do, the relationship has already been severed!!! She can't terminate me, I think I've pretty much taken care of that.
I told her I didn't plan on contacting her again and if she agreed to let 11 years of hard work end like this to go ahead and let it go. I told her to feel free to contact me but if I never hear back from her, then I'll assume our work is done. I told her I never dreamed my therapy would end like this. More like a last session of celebration of success and hard work and maybe a hug at the end to symbolize the connection we shared. The last session would come after a point of termination was made and we'd work towards the last session.
She will get this letter on Monday. I'm already planning on not hearing a word from her. In the past I know she'd contact me, but now she's probably glad to be rid of me! I'm a huge failure in her therapy eyes! I'm not willing to pay her for several visits to figure this out. If she would see me for zero co-payment, then I'd be more willing. How sad I am about all of this. I write pages and pages in my journal about it. It's not what I had planned.
***Sad & Anxious*** LadyBug ;o(