Posted by wishingstar on May 1, 2008, at 20:48:26
get over the fact that you werent cared about as a child? that you werent special to anyone?
Just a ramble ahead really....
I'm having a hard night. I generally do very well and dont get emotional or let childhood stuff get to me much. But recently... I dont know. It gets triggered sometimes. Today I signed the lease on my first apartment. I've lived in apartments before, with a roommate, but this will be my first place on my own. I've been capable of living alone for many years, but financially needed the roommate. Not now. This feels like one of those minor "life events" for me. I bought my first brand new car in January. Similar. In November, I got my first full time career job. I'd had a career job before, but it was hourly. This new job is well paying and pretty well respected within my field. Big life events. I'm 25 years old, by the way.
No one is proud of me. No one cares. Of course friends/coworkers do, but thats different. I find myself really wanting someone to be excited for me, like a parent would for their grown child. That feels different to me. I wanted someone to go with me to the apartment tonight to meet with the people. Not because I needed any help (I didnt) but just because it was exciting for me. Boyfriend didnt want to go. He's a bit older and its no big deal for him. I try to explain but he doesnt understand how I feel.
I've also been forced to witness several "good family" moments between different people recently. Had lunch with a coworker and her mother today. Theyre incredibly close. It was hard to watch.
I stopped calling my parents to see what would happen. Its been about 3 months. Nothing. They havnt contacted me. I always knew I was the one holding the relationship together, but it's always harder to have proof.
I guess I'm just feeling triggered. Logically I know that I'm doing just fine on my own. In fact, I think I do better than a lot of people my age. But I feel all alone in it.
I know the key is to just recognize and accept what family is/isnt and find what you need in other places. I generally do well. But sometimes it'd just be nice to have someone be excited for me, be proud of me.
Please be gentle.
poster:wishingstar
thread:826692
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080423/msgs/826692.html