Posted by seldomseen on April 25, 2008, at 5:00:02
In reply to Understanding what is happening to me - SI trigger, posted by seldomseen on April 24, 2008, at 15:20:49
I got a really good night's rest last night and I feel better this morning. Things just get exacerbated when I am tired.
Now that my T has come on board, it has helped as well. He has instructed me to call him when the urge to SI becomes overwhelming because he wants to know what I'm thinking about when it happens. Right now though the thoughts just don't seem to be developing into words. It's more like I just want to be gone you know?
I don't understand where that feeling is coming from.
Work is just unrelenting and I wish I could take a vacation. I definately think it is contributing to that overwhelmed feeling that muffled was talking about.
My T and I also discussed increasing my prozac for a while. I'm conflicted about that. On the one hand, I'm pretty sure a higher dose will help stop the intrusive thoughts. On the other hand, I think those thoughts have meaning - although it hasn't come to me yet - and I don't want to block them. I want to understand where they are coming from.
I wish life were like the movies - where the patient has some breakthrough in therapy and just walks off into the sunset, sure to have a wonderful life now that they know the "truth".
In my experience the breakthough is when the work really starts - and it sucks!Anyway. I'll just muddle through with this somehow, trying not to hurt myself or others too badly in the process. I'm just going to have to re-learn to sit with bad feelings again.
I also have all these bizarre somatic symptoms, back ache, belly ache etc... I wonder if I'm actually sick or just have some bizarre conversion disorder simply underscoring the fact that I have lost my mind.
Seldom
poster:seldomseen
thread:825210
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080423/msgs/825338.html