Posted by 10derHeart on March 25, 2008, at 19:00:51
In reply to it was good :), posted by sunnydays on March 25, 2008, at 14:10:58
That's so wonderful, sunny. I've been following (always...hope that's not creepy...lol) but unable to post.....my stuff...
I see this kind of pattern in your postings....or at least I think I do unless I am 100% projecting. but it's really an encouraging one I am oh-so-familiar-with in my therapeutic relationship, too. A thing (could be almost anything - *but* this one that just got thrown at you WAS big!) happens, then come the doubts and fears, and needing things shown again and again, and said in different ways, testing, wondering, crying, missing, being sad, and being *sure* (yeah, right) we are wrong, bad, doing this whole thing incorrectly, maybe they never even really liked us and we just s**k! And then....bam! our T's once again pour out all their caring, kindness and honesty on us, and for the umpteenth time show they ARE real, they WILL be there, there IS love in that room....! It's encouraging because you keep hanging in there, and even if the baby steps seem so small, your T. is teaching you to trust and relax, even if they seem like minuscule bits of movement sometimes, with someone safe and worthy of that reaction from you.
Every time the pattern repeats, I picture your past and your deep hurts that brought you to therapy as a foundation of sinking sand, unstable and not strong enough to hold up anyone safely throughout life - as least not without lots of fear of falling, collapsing, not trusting yourself, etc. But now, the very foundation gets rebuilt - changed day by day, the sand disappearing and being replaced by bricks, or even better ('cause I love wood) beautiful, healthy, *growing* wood - like in the giant Sequoias, maybe - that can bend and support and withstand anything.
That was disjointed, but my brain kinda works that way and I trust you will get what I'm saying. [I am the Queen of the run-on sentence!]
Your T. is a gem, for sure, and your post made me smile and smile...must have been one of your more memorable sessions.