Posted by antigua3 on February 2, 2008, at 9:43:30
I didn't want to hijack Maxime's thread above, but twinlead said, about choosing a T,
"I do think it's so important that they are respectful, empathic and nurturing."
My T is all three things, completely. It's my pdoc that yes, I'm still struggling with, in new ways. Basically we are getting along well and have made some very significant progress, but I feel like it's w/o the nurturing part. I don't feel nurtured by him at all; that's not his style. It's sad because I know now that I need more than this to get through. I do need a male who shows that a girl can be loved without being abused.
He takes me places that hurt me, and then leaves me--like I've always been left--to clean up the mess on my own. His rules are so rigid--as rigid as my father's. There have been astounding discoveries, and I'm so much stronger, but being on my own, having to prove my independence isn't always beneficial.
I won't change pdocs yet. When I said I could walk out that door and it wouldn't make a difference to you, he was very smooth--and correct. He said, "But you would walk out a much better person--well and having made tremendous progress." He's very adept at avoiding the main issue--that he doesn't believe in forming any type of dependent relationship.
I don't know. I just feel very sad about this. Not devastated, because I always knew it was an option. But after a session with him earlier in the week, I just broke apart the next day. Like an egg, and all my self-confidence, etc. just spilled out everywhere. Like Humpty Dumpty I have no idea how to put this all back together again, or even if I should try.
But, I was alone. I couldn't call my pdoc, and that's what crystallized this for me. I shouldn't have to go through this alone, but he has so many rules and strict boundaries that he probably wouldn't even call me back, and instead I have to sit with this until I see him again in 10 days or so. I resent that.
My T would be helpful, but she is away, which is fine. She will be back next week. Plus, this isn't about her.
Just whining, I guess, sorry.
antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:810261
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080126/msgs/810261.html