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Re: this is rough *long*

Posted by Dinah on February 1, 2008, at 10:20:51

In reply to this is rough *long*, posted by raisinb on February 1, 2008, at 10:01:39

I wish I could email you my therapist.

He said that one day he had this revelation that I would never change unless he accepts me as I am. And that's been his guiding principle ever since. It didn't come easily to him.

Maybe you could change gears, as a test, and explain to her that you understand her position. That you know the goal of therapy is change, and that you want to work towards that. But that she is wanting change more than you do, at this point, and the lack of synchronicity is actually slowing change. Maybe you could even remind her of the parenting adage of three positive statements for every one suggesting improvement. Maybe if you let her know that you understand what she's doing now, she'll be more willing to change. (Grin. You'd be modeling it for her.)

Or maybe she really isn't the right therapist for you. There's always the possibility that she doesn't have the patience for long term therapy.

I think there's a real tension between support and the change that therapy is expected to bring. Purely supportive therapy is rare in these days, and even therapy that is supportive in nature (which is what my therapist views my therapy as) has an element of tension for change.

If all she ever did was support you and accept you, it probably wouldn't help your real life much. If all she does is push for change, and you aren't a person easily pushed, it won't help your real life much. If both of you acknowledge that tension, there's a chance that the situation can resolve itself as it did with my therapy. There's also a chance that it won't resolve itself and you'll have to decide if she's the right therapist for you.

But all therapists will look for change. And all therapists will be more interested in your contribution to any problems in your life than they are in the contributions of others, since you're the only person you (and they) can have any influence over. It doesn't mean she thinks you're all wrong. It just means that she thinks it's the only area where you have control.




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