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Still In Love With My T after Five years/I'm BACK

Posted by sassyfrancesca on February 1, 2008, at 7:31:12

Hi, all of my dear old friends: Happyflower, Phillipa, Muffled, Ladybug, Fallsfall, Gardengirl and B2Chica.....and to new friends I will meet.

I used to post as Allison.

It's a very long story. I went to my t for a church issue (my church of 31 years voted me out of membership after I got a divorce after 31 years of abuse.

I fought the system for 18 months to try and prevent the pastor from counseling any more women--in the end (on my birthday), my name was put up on a big screen, followed by the words: Conduct Unbecoming a Child of God.

My t is an expert in spiritual abuse.

I get the whole picture, etc...he is struggling with himself; he has said: "I am torn, confused, scared and conflicted." We have had MANY conversations about what is going on between us.

The latest thing he said (!): "If I weren't married, I would probably go for it."

He makes me crazy; back and forth.....He is having his cake and eating it too!

An excellent book: Sex in the Forbidden Zone by Peter Rutter (when professionals betray, etc), we haven't had sex.....It is so ironic; I am the client and can act anyway I want (except for flirting, which is my personality), I behave in a refined manner.

HE is the professional and is supposed to behave that way, but if I told you the things he has said and done.......unbelievable.

I realize it is unhealthy for me, but am not ready to leave right now.

A few things (out of 100's) he has said:

You are in my heart and in my head.
WE find it hard to end the session, WE find it hard to say goodbye.
If I were to kiss you, do you think it would take away the pain?

To any who remember me, I just started school (psyc.) in the Fall, and recently won a women's scholarship; i was 1 of 10 recipients out of 1,600 applicants in the U.S. and Canada; i was stunned!

I've been published in a psychiatric journal (LOL, no it isn't a case study)

Written my memoir: Ghost Child to Triumph (from a child with no voice to someone who speaks up against injustice)

My poetry website (faith-based), with 13,300 hits.....Elie Wiesel (survivor of Auschwitz) has written to me; I am so humbled and honored.

Okay, that's catching up, I guess.

hugs and Love to all,

Francesca (formerly Allison)




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